Kundalini Rising – Part 5

Kundalini Rising - Part 5

Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself!

Yoga Nidra. I did it morning and night. In between, I rested and allowed myself to let go further.

After a few days of Yoga Nidra and rest, I saw something. I saw that I had been at war with my body. Like the War on Drugs, the War on Crime and the War on Poverty, it hadn’t help me make peace with my body, it just made it worse.

I understood what Amrit Desai was talking about when he talked about attachment. Anything you are attached to will keep you separate from SOURCE. Being involved in a battle of any kind  is a distraction and separation from what you truly want. I was swinging between dieting and over eating, from hating myself to trying to coach myself. All the while I was calling my body the enemy.

One day I cleaned my white board. It had all the plans I had made for launching Body Belief in January 2018. I wiped it. I turned on some jazz, made a big tall class of iced tea, used some marijuana drops and worked some things out. I felt like I was calculating a mathematical equation like Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory Here’s what I discovered.

There are two ways to look at the whole Body Belief concept.

  1.  Through the ego-mind.  It becomes an identity and an all-encompassing distraction – the war between will and body.
  2. Or, as the “watcher” and step into my Higher Self and see the body as a primitive animal that acts on instinct, and the mind as a programmed set of patterns and behaviors that took over my brain and get acted on blindly or unconsciously.

I knew I wanted to connect to my Higher Self and see how I could go about taking control of my thoughts and learning to work with my animal body.

Easy peasy.

Ha!

My old self would have started investigating, researching and planning. But, you know what I did? Nothing. I decided to just “be” with it. I slept, rested, and watched TV, 4 seasons of “The Killing”. Which is not like me at all!

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. ”  – Tao Te Ching

And, I kept doing Yoga Nidra twice a day, morning and night.

As the days progressed, I let go of more. I cleared my big wall of post-it note “to do’s”, moved my desk out of the cottage, unsubscribed from a bunch of email lists I was on, stopped posting on Facebook, threw out some clothes, and took time to turn the cottage into a sacred meditation room. It was no longer my “office.”  It felt fantastic.

Letting go. Letting go more. And, letting go even more.

That’s when it happened! Something happened to me that I’ve heard about, but never experienced until now – Kundalini Awakening. The divine feminine energy awakened and united with the divine male.

Yep, it happened. And, it was amazing. Well, actually more than that, it was ecstatic and blissful. It was only for a few moments but that’s all it took. There is no going back from it. Once touched, it changed me. Deeply.

I knew that it wasn’t about any of the things I had been keeping myself busy with – Body Belief, classes, coaching, building a website, a podcast, building a writers platform on Facebook, making videos, writing my blog, planning, keeping an editorial calendar and a master plan, etc. etc.

It also awakened me to the truth that obsession with anything, be it body, food, weight, work, shopping, television, creating “projects”, etc. creates a war. The war that keeps our attention so we are in a constant state of separation.

These were some of the human distractions that I was using to keep myself occupied and busy, so I could keep out the quiet.

But, the quiet is where I needed to be.

In the quiet, and the non-doing is where the sacred resides. Letting go of “doing” and just experiencing the moment is where the answer lies.

I feel blessed that the quiet woke up in me! It is the greatest gift I have ever received. I am so excited to see where it leads.

My last big letting go is this blog. I am going to keep writing, but for now, it is going to be private. Time for me to experience the quiet and the unfolding of my spiritual journey.

Thank you for following me and allowing me to send you these posts. I don’t know how this transition will turnout, but I will keep your email on my list.

May you remember who you are and return to the love that was always there! Bless you and may the spirit be victorious!

All my love,

Know Yourself • Be Yourself • Live it Like Crazy!

I Am Enough!

I am ENOUGH! My life is ENOUGH!

You know what writing a book taught me?

1 – It feels great to accomplish a goal!

2 – I need a new goal.

Funny thing about dreams and goals. As long as they out there in front of you, there is a focus, a drive. A reminder that you need to keep working. It is the inspiration.

I had the goal of publishing my book out in front of me for years. Actually, the goal of publishing “a book”, any book was the goal. Before Becoming Zia I was working on another book called Body Belief. It is nearly complete. I got it out a couple of weeks ago and realized I had written over 40,000 words, 9 chapters complete, only one chapter to go.

That’s when it dawned on me. I published Becoming Zia and the Becoming You! Workbook and it felt fantastic.  I was so proud of myself. It was so awesome looking on Amazon and seeing it there. Then, I started getting reviews, which was thrilling! But, I realized I was goal-less. I didn’t know what to do with myself.

All the books and classes I’ve taken on publishing say that the first thing you need to do after you finish your first book is to start working on your second. Wow. I had to sit with that a while.

There was a lesson in this for me. I gave it some thought and realized that there was another option.

I am ENOUGH. My Life is ENOUGH. Having a goal or achieving a goal doesn’t make me whole or complete.  Being me, just as I am makes me complete. One of the Big Lessons I learned in Becoming Zia was recognizing my own perfection. If I am perfect, whole and complete as I am, that is a much better starting place.

If I want to write another book, I can. But, it is not a measure of my worth or value. It’s a creative activity I want to pursue to feed my soul.

That feels much better and takes away all the anxiousness and pressure. It is a shift in perception, but a major one. It is life affirming and encourages my creative spirit.

We live in a society that gives setting goals and achieving so much value that we forget to remember we are here on earth to experience life and to express our own unique gifts. In order to do that, you have to relax into it and find passion first. Allow it to be nurtured and put a stop to all the expectations and pressure.

“To be released from the unconsciousness that separates you from the Ture Self, you must step back from the filters imposed by the self-image.”
– Amrit Desai

What I realize today. I am thrilled to have a published a book! I am proud of myself and honored by the outpouring of support and praise. It feels great! However, I don’t need a new goal. I am enough, my life is enough. Actually, it is perfect!

From this point on, I answer to my creative process. That is where my higher self resides. The rest is just noise.

Know Yourself • Be Yourself • Live it Like Crazy!

A Challenge: Be the Change You Want to See

A Challenge for Love

It is impossible for me to ignore what is happening in our country. This blog post is off my normal focus, but is it really?

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. The news has been impossible to ignore. From last week’s threat of nuclear war to the neo-Nazi march in Charlottesville to people in government resigning en masse. And, our President continues to act inappropriately. It seems things are going crazy! Our country is coming unhinged! You just have no idea what is coming next!

I am frightened, very angry and overwhelmed with sadness.

The wiser part of me knows that I have to let go of the anger – because we don’t need more of that energy. Being frightened doesn’t serve me or anyone, so I can let go of that, knowing that I am safe. The sadness, it’s real, but also not severing to bring the kind of energy this situation truly needs. What I can be is compassionate, kind, and understanding.

Sound Pollyanna? In my heart of hearts, on the deeper level of my soul, the higher self of me understands that good is working in the background. Hatred, bigotry, racism, xenophobia, sexism, all the “isms” are being uncovered and it feels overwhelming – and it is, but you can’t fix something that is hiding in the shadows. The more it is exposed, the more the good grows. Just like the gathering in Boston. There were several hundred “alt-right” and neo-Nazi demonstrators, but there were estimates of 20,000-40,000 counter-demonstrators there for love, peace, acceptance, and equality. Good is at work.

Today I heard something that resonated with me and helped me feel so much better.

Hidden within any problem is its own solution: hidden within disease, dysfunction, disharmony, and desperation is its own healing, because at the center of everything, as Whitman said “nestles the seed of perfection.” Right now, we know that something good is wresting out of that seed.      –Dr. Joe Hooper

The CHALLENGE:

Here’s our work. Start with Social Media. Sounds trivial but as we know from our prez, social media is powerful.

I’ve already made a commitment to this and I hope you will as well.  I changed my Facebook profile picture and cover photo to something that represents acceptance and equality. I refuse to spread hate in any form and will no longer post anything “ANTI”. Remember Mother Teresa who refused to march against the Vietnam War.  She said if there was a pro-peace march, she would gladly be there! If we each stop posting, and reposting hate messages and focus on the good we can elevate the energy towards good! Let’s be PRO-love, PRO-peace, PRO-acceptance, PRO-equality. Before you hit that “post” button think about the message you are sending out in the world. Does it represent the kind of energy you want to create? Hate does not get us to love! Only more love will get us there!

“Where there is a cut, the healing has already begun. We may not be able to see it, but it has started.” –Dr. Joe

 

I urge you and challenge you to be part of the healing. Know that good is coming, it may look terrible right now, but good is coming. Love will prevail. Be a champion for tolerance, acceptance, equality, peace and most importantly, love. Please join me!

Know Yourself • Be Yourself • Live it Like Crazy!

In the spirit and energy of love,

Life is short. Live it like crazy!

“There’s magic out there; don’t miss it!” -Ross LewAllen

Small 5" x 7" painting by Ross LewAllen. Painted in Greece.

This week I’ve been working on the book launch. I was looking for a quote from one of the people I met on my trip to New Mexico. It was something about “magic in the desert” so I looked it up in the book. When I found the section I read a few paragraphs and thought back on that day. It made me start thinking of him. So, I did a quick google search to see what he was up to. The first site that popped up was an obituary. I sucked in some air, and my heart did a little flip. I met this man, just one day, at random, talked to him for just a few minutes, but hearing of his death affected me. What had made our encounter so meaningful that I was overcome with a sense of loss, for a near stranger.

Connection!

It is so basic, so simple, but also, very rare.

We were two people who met one day, but instantly had a connection, he was being completely authentic and so was I. We really met each other. I have no idea if he remembered me, but that doesn’t matter, because in that moment we had a connection that was very real. Two people seeing each other on a deeper, more soulful level.

He was like no one I had met before. Now, as I read his obituary, I understood why. This was no ordinary man. He was a seeker, and adventurer, a creative spirit. He understood how to live life fully, but simply and share love. That is the man I met. Ross LewAllen.

Today I’m writing this post in his memory and as a tribute to a person who made a difference in my life, and it was only one short encounter. Life is interesting! Here is the section of Becoming Zia where I wrote about our meeting.

Ross, it was an honor. Enjoy your next adventure!

Know Yourself • Be Yourself • Live it Like Crazy!

Excerpt from Becoming Zia: A Tale of Transformation

As I walked back towards the Square, my eye spotted something in a shop window and I stopped to take a look. It was jewelry, but not like anything I had seen so far in Santa Fe. This was unusual, more like found objects assembled into amazing treasures. I had to go in! It was a very small shop, not much bigger than a small bedroom. In the corner was a traditional kiva fireplace with a big hearth, and sitting on the hearth was an older man. He looked like he had seen things, been places. He fit this place. Dressed in khaki hiking shorts with lots of pockets, earthy sandals, and an open neck sweatshirt. Several necklaces with turquoise hung around his neck along with a lanyard connected to his reading glasses. On his wrist was an amazing old vintage bracelet, similar to those in the window. His hair was stark white, and he had a well-grown soul patch beneath his bottom lip.

“Hello there,” he said. “Come in and look around.”

“Thanks,” I responded, and I went towards the lone jewelry case.

“My daughter makes that jewelry. Interesting stuff. Me, I paint; my stuff is over there.”

He pointed to the wall and a couple of shelves.

“Thanks,” I repeated myself, not sure what to say.

“Where you from? You here for the Fiesta?” he asked.

“California. No, I just happened across all this. I’m heading to the Ghost Ranch for a retreat and thought I would take a couple of extra days to explore Santa Fe.”

“Oh, Abiquiu. Yes, the Ghost Ranch. It’s so beautiful out there. Nothing like it. There is something about that land out there. Definitely something special. I head out there occasionally to make paper, I know a guy who lives in Abiquiu and we make it together. Are you taking a painting class?”

 “Sort of,” I responded. “It’s an intuitive painting retreat called Painting from the Wild Heart. I’m not sure what it is really, but I know it’s not an average painting class.”

He laughed a Santa Claus sort of belly laugh, which made me smile and feel warmly comforted.

“Yes, that doesn’t sound like an average painting class. You do know painting can heal you, don’t you?” he quizzed.

“Absolutely. That’s why I am going. I have a lot of things I want to heal, and I am tired of trying to figure it out in my head. Thought I’d let my creative spirit work on it instead,” I confessed.

“Smart girl.”

He smiled and gave a low chuckle. 

This guy was interesting and seemed very wise. I moved away from the jewelry and started looking at his paintings. They were all very small. He must have sensed the question in my mind.

“They are all small because I paint on the road and these fit in my backpack. I’ve painted all over the world. Last year I spent three months in the Australian outback. So, small works for me, plus I get to capture things in a different way. I see things differently.”

I had a stack of his small paintings in my hand and he started telling me about them, what they were, where he had painted them. Each one had a story. I came across one of two fish in the most beautiful shades of blue and green. The colors resonated with me, brilliant peacock blue, sea glass aqua, and bright lime green on a stark white background.

“I have to have this one. I love it!”

“I painted that one in Greece.”

Then he told me the story.

I loved listening to him and the amazing stories of his life as an artist. His name was Ross and he seemed to live his life following his passion for painting and adventure.  He took the painting from me and moved to a small table, where he began to wrap it up in an old city map.

“Tell me more about this retreat you’re going to?” he asked as he worked.

I told him my story of wanting to go for 10 years, but never allowing myself. How my friends had pushed me and I finally signed up. I shared how I had always been a process painter, making art to work through difficult emotional times, or to memorialize some event. I told him what I had read about Painting from the Wild Heart on the web and what I expected it might be. As he was finishing up, I saw him write something on the outside of the package.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Something I want you to remember,” he answered. “I wrote, Painting is to love again . . .  to love yourself. That’s what you’re going to find out. That’s what painting will do for you. It’s time.”

He handed me the package. I smiled. He smiled. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I thanked him and turned to leave. I was just about out the door when he said.

“Enjoy the drive to the Ghost Ranch. There is magic out there; don’t miss it!”