Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself!
Yoga Nidra. I did it morning and night. In between, I rested and allowed myself to let go further.
After a few days of Yoga Nidra and rest, I saw something. I saw that I had been at war with my body. Like the War on Drugs, the War on Crime and the War on Poverty, it hadn’t help me make peace with my body, it just made it worse.
I understood what Amrit Desai was talking about when he talked about attachment. Anything you are attached to will keep you separate from SOURCE. Being involved in a battle of any kind is a distraction and separation from what you truly want. I was swinging between dieting and over eating, from hating myself to trying to coach myself. All the while I was calling my body the enemy.
One day I cleaned my white board. It had all the plans I had made for launching Body Belief in January 2018. I wiped it. I turned on some jazz, made a big tall class of iced tea, used some marijuana drops and worked some things out. I felt like I was calculating a mathematical equation like Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory Here’s what I discovered.
There are two ways to look at the whole Body Belief concept.
- Through the ego-mind. It becomes an identity and an all-encompassing distraction – the war between will and body.
- Or, as the “watcher” and step into my Higher Self and see the body as a primitive animal that acts on instinct, and the mind as a programmed set of patterns and behaviors that took over my brain and get acted on blindly or unconsciously.
I knew I wanted to connect to my Higher Self and see how I could go about taking control of my thoughts and learning to work with my animal body.
My old self would have started investigating, researching and planning. But, you know what I did? Nothing. I decided to just “be” with it. I slept, rested, and watched TV, 4 seasons of “The Killing”. Which is not like me at all!
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. ” – Tao Te Ching
And, I kept doing Yoga Nidra twice a day, morning and night.
As the days progressed, I let go of more. I cleared my big wall of post-it note “to do’s”, moved my desk out of the cottage, unsubscribed from a bunch of email lists I was on, stopped posting on Facebook, threw out some clothes, and took time to turn the cottage into a sacred meditation room. It was no longer my “office.” It felt fantastic.
Letting go. Letting go more. And, letting go even more.
That’s when it happened! Something happened to me that I’ve heard about, but never experienced until now – Kundalini Awakening. The divine feminine energy awakened and united with the divine male.
Yep, it happened. And, it was amazing. Well, actually more than that, it was ecstatic and blissful. It was only for a few moments but that’s all it took. There is no going back from it. Once touched, it changed me. Deeply.
I knew that it wasn’t about any of the things I had been keeping myself busy with – Body Belief, classes, coaching, building a website, a podcast, building a writers platform on Facebook, making videos, writing my blog, planning, keeping an editorial calendar and a master plan, etc. etc.
It also awakened me to the truth that obsession with anything, be it body, food, weight, work, shopping, television, creating “projects”, etc. creates a war. The war that keeps our attention so we are in a constant state of separation.
These were some of the human distractions that I was using to keep myself occupied and busy, so I could keep out the quiet.
But, the quiet is where I needed to be.
In the quiet, and the non-doing is where the sacred resides. Letting go of “doing” and just experiencing the moment is where the answer lies.
I feel blessed that the quiet woke up in me! It is the greatest gift I have ever received. I am so excited to see where it leads.
My last big letting go is this blog. I am going to keep writing, but for now, it is going to be private. Time for me to experience the quiet and the unfolding of my spiritual journey.
Thank you for following me and allowing me to send you these posts. I don’t know how this transition will turnout, but I will keep your email on my list.
May you remember who you are and return to the love that was always there! Bless you and may the spirit be victorious!
All my love, Zia
Know Yourself • Be Yourself • Live it Like Crazy!